Small Confession

I usually try not to write down my goals. Or even tell people about them. Or even think about them too much.

The reason? I'm afraid I'll jinx them.

Please note that I'm mostly talking about short term, small goals. (like posting here everyday) But sometimes the big ones too. 

More often than not, if I write them down or speak of them, my goals do not get met.  What does this say about me? I'm overly superstitious? I have a pathological fear of commitment, even to the most mundane things? I can't accept responsibility for my own failures so push the blame off on something that isn't even real?

The fact is, I'm more likely to follow through with something if I don't tell anybody or write it down. If I don't make any promises to myself, the chances of success increase. Quite the opposite of how it's supposed to work. Instead of inspiring me to finish what I started, it puts pressure on me that I often can't handle, or, more accurately, just don't want to handle.

I like to think it's because, at my core, I am a bit a perfectionist. I've said it before. If I don't think I can do it perfectly the first time, I often won't even try. I guess that whole message of 'try, try again' was lost somewhere along the way. Or maybe I just decided to go with what Yoda said, "Do or do not. There is no try." The little green bastard. (I'm kidding, I love that ancient alien)

see? it exists.

Over the years though, believe it or not, I have gotten a hell of a lot better at this whole everything-I-do-needs-to-be-perfect thing. For instance, this summer I learned to knit. And I suck at it. But I'm still trying. Or at least I was. The scarf I was working has kinda gotten shelved for the moment. But I fully intend to return to it in the near future.

There. I've written down a goal and I'm sharing it with the Internet. See? I'm trying. I'm learning and growing as an individual. Yay me.