The Fine Line of Forgiveness

My good opinion once lost is lost forever
- Mr. Darcy

I'm afraid I might have more in common with the hero of Pride and Prejudice that just a dislike for public dancing. I've always claimed that I don't hold grudges. But if I'm honest with myself I know that's not entirely  true. Forgiving and forgetting is not as easy as I once thought it was.

When someone hurts me it usually doesn't take me long to forgive them. I know that people make mistakes. And more often than not the hurt inflicted is unintentional. I pride myself on being able to see all sides of an issue. I may not fully sympathize with all sides, but at least I can see where people are coming from. It makes so much easier to forgive when you understand the other party's motives.

It's the forgetting part that I have difficulty with. Whatever they've done, it sticks to them. They've become tainted. I'm unable to see them the way I once did. I may forgive them, but that doesn't mean I have to go on liking them. I don't hate them. I don't resent them. I just no longer like them. It's very difficult to move on and truly forget the hurt someone's caused you.

I have done it before. I'm sure I'll be able to do it again. Time heals all or whatever. But more often than not, once someone has done something to alter my opinion of them, it doesn't change back.

A Comfy Sort of Celebration

a magical world full of bright colors, pie, and dead people

And here it is. A new year. How did I celebrate? I grabbed myself a glass of wine and watched my latest TV series obsession: Pushing Daises. The best/worst part about this show is that it only lasted two seasons and thus there are only 22 episodes. Best because it won't take long to get through the entire thing. Worst because I am absolutely in love with it and already wish there was more. Why do the best shows always get the ax early only to have a few years go by before people start to realize how amazing it was? This show, Firefly, Dead Like Me, etc, etc. I swear if Community becomes one of those shows I will- Well I won't actually do anything. But I will be really upset.

Anyway, the wine disappeared awhile ago and I decided to take a break from Pushing Daises. (since there are so few episodes, one must spread them out to make it last longer) So I pull out my giant book of Sherlock and read that for awhile. Then I filled my fancy wine glass (Marco is its name if you recall) with Sprite (because I'm classy like that) and am drinking it as I type this post at 2 in the morning on the first day of a fresh new year.

So this is how I ring in the new year. No parties. No real celebration. Just me, an overweight cat, a small glass of wine that turned into soda, and some Sherlock Holmes. And you know what? I don't mind it a bit. Don't get me wrong. I love going out and celebrating with my friends. But I'm just as comfortable staying at home by myself with a good book or a good movie. I am an introvert after all.

And this post seems to be rambling and going off in random directions. No real theme or structure to it. I wonder if that a sign of what my life will be like in the year ahead.

It Really Was Magic

A while ago I mentioned how I was watching the show Merlin in order to help feed my addiction to British television but was having a difficult time getting into it. The story lines were cheesy, the characters were lame, the special effects were what you'd expect them to be: both cheesy and lame. But there was something about it that made me want to keep watching despite all of this. So I did. And I'm quite happy I did.

Because around the middle of the second season I realized something. The show was getting good. The characters were finally developing. The story lines were getting a little darker and more interesting. And the special effects were improving. I no longer cared that the show wasn't congruent with the traditional myths and legends. It pulled many elements from the myths, but obviously did not depend on them. The show had its own story to tell.

By the end of the third season, Merlin had grown into itself and become quite epic. The story lines were no longer light pieces of fantasy fluff. They were more intense. The stakes were higher for the characters. And the fight scenes were vastly improved and I actually enjoyed watching them.

look at the intensity! 

And by the fifth and final season, gone were the carefree and silly Merlin and Arthur. In their places were intense, determined characters whose responsibilities weighed heavy and whose futures were uncertain. Well, sort of uncertain. Everyone who knows the legends knows how their stories will end.

Of course I get into the show just as it's ending. The final episode aired on Christmas Eve. I knew how it would end. I knew it was going to be sad. But knowing did not prepare me enough. I was literally sobbing during the last fifteen minutes. (and when I use the word literally, I really do mean it. I know the definition and I know how to use it properly) Granted, it doesn't take much for me to get really attached to characters and thus become really emotional when they die. It's part of the reason I don't watch dramas with people around. I'd be too busy trying to not look like an idiot, crying over fictional deaths, that I wouldn't be able to properly engage in the program. I like to immerse myself in whatever I'm watching (or reading, or listening to), especially if it's the first time I've seen it. That's hard to do with a group of people.

It was such a good show in the end. Totally worth it.

I Always Do What Chocolate Tells Me

Only when it's dark chocolate though. I need to be clear on that point. I love me some dark chocolate. Milk chocolate is tolerable, but only in the most dire, need-chocolate-now types of situations. Or when it has almonds. I love almonds in chocolate. And almonds in dark chocolate? Heaven.

So when my mother offered me a small Dove Chocolate that was dark, how could I possible say no? Now, if you've ever had a one those mini Dove Chocolates, you know that on the inside of the foil wrapper there's always a quote. Stuff like, "Be fearless" or "Make the most of everyday" or "You are exactly who you are supposed to be". Sappy, inspirational drivel like that. Like fortune cookies, but more delicious. My chocolate fortune this particular time was this:

How could I possibly deny such a request? It's more of a command really. And when dark chocolate commands you to do something, you best listen. So I did:

I've tallied two snow angels this year. That's more than I've made in probably the last ten years. I don't know what this means. But I thought it was worth noting. Happy Holidays!

*Hyacinths and Biscuits*

I mentioned several times in my last post how I kept finding all sorts of interesting, nostalgia laced things in my closet. These might not be that interesting, but they certainly reek of reminiscence to me. My poetry notebooks:

also, I was really into collages

Yes. I was that girl in high school. I carried these around with me everywhere, writing and doodling in them whenever we had nothing to do in class. Which was often. I won't even pretend that they are any good. There might be one or two that could be worth something (after a great deal of revising).

So this is one I found in my old notebooks. I don't know if it's any good or even salvageable. I'm a terrible judge of my own work. But as I reread it, I found that I still kinda like it. It's silly and pointless but fun.

Get Ready

The stars are aligned,
and fate is ready for the show.
Your karma is all set.
Are you ready to go? 

Destiny is waiting for you.
The 'meant to be' has arrived.
The horoscope is written.
Are you ready to take the dive? 

Chance has sent you a gift.
The fortune teller was right.
Your good luck is here
Are you ready to hold tight? 

Pulling order from the chaos,
it may be a truth or a lie.
But tonight is your night.
Are you ready to fly?

By Jamie Rueckert

Interference

This last week hasn't been quite what I wanted it to be. There were numerous projects I wanted (needed) to get done. Cleaning my room. Organizing all my stuff. Go to the coffee place downtown. Well I did end up doing that last one, but only once. I meant to go more.

So what has Jamie been doing to occupy the time and keep from going insane? Let me make a list for you:

1: Knit no more! (but not really)

my projects are not as rude or as cool

I have set aside my knitting for the moment. Last week I cleaned out my closet (threw out a great deal of stuff that I had been hanging on to for no discernible reason) and found my box of cross stitching paraphernalia. I learned the art of cross stitching some years ago. I was in middle school if I'm not mistaken. I recalled how much I enjoyed this particular hobby so I decided to take it up again. Most of the patterns I have I got on clearance because the local cross stitching/ hardanger/ Scandinavian knick knack/ coffee shop was closing. Thus, the patterns I have are not exactly my favorite, but I enjoy them nonetheless. I read somewhere that Dame Judi Dench likes to do needlepoint when there's down time on the set of her movies. Reportedly, she enjoys making elaborate designs that include rude sayings and swear words and then gives these as gifts. I don't know if this story is true, but I certainly hope that it is. Judi Dench: making needlepoint cool. 

2: Now you can ride the rides!

creeps

Another long forgotten item I unearthed from the bowels my closet is one of the very few computer games I ever owned: Roller Coaster Tycoon 3. I spent many hours of my youth playing this game. I decided to see if I still found it fun. I do. I find it immensely fun. The graphics are terrible, of course. But I've never been one to overly care about things like that. I'm just having a good time building stuff and messing with the peeps in the game. That's what they're called in the game. Peeps. Like those gross little marshmallow chickens. And now that's what I think of whenever I play the game. I suppose they have the same beady little eye thing going on. And they both look disfigured in one way or another. But the roller coasters are fun. I like building things. Even virtual things. 

3: Something about it being elementary...

BOOM!

and this is how far i am

I have begun the long and arduous journey of reading The Complete Sherlock Homes. I say arduous not because the stories aren't enjoyable. I'm finding them to be quite delicious in fact. This journey is going to be arduous (doesn't look like a word anymore) because the book is so damn massive! 1077 pages. (I suppose I have read books this long and longer before) But what else could you expect when it contains all of the Sherlock Homes? All sixty stories written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle packed nicely into one shiny, leather bound book. I'm only on the first one, A Study in Scarlet. And I've already found a new favorite phrase: ineffable twaddle! Watson cries this after reading a magazine article written by Sherlock. My new goal is to use this phrase in everyday conversations whenever I get a chance. 

4: Wolverines. Who knew?

Oh, I also went to see Red Dawn. I was pleasantly surprised. It was not terrible. (please note that I've never seen the original) I was actually quite entertained. However, the entire time I kept thinking of this clip from Family Guy. Despite that (or perhaps because of it) I was rather pleased with the movie. I would include a picture of the ticket stub again but I seem to have lost it. It is a very small piece of paper. So I wrote a note on our chalkboard in case someone else might find it:

An Expected Delight

I meant to post something about this last Friday. I meant to brag about this so much earlier.

Guess who got to see The Hobbit at the midnight release last week? This girl!

Spectacular. Amazing. Marvelous. There are not enough adjectives to describe how it felt returning to Middle Earth. For you see, I am a huge fan of The Lord of the Rings. Though I refuse to refer to myself as a 'ringer'. That's what they call people in The Lord of the Rings fandom. I think is sounds a little ridiculous. But I suppose it isn't much worse than some of the other names people come up with for fandoms: Sherlockians. Whovians. Potterheads. Twihards. Trekkies. Really, I could go on for quite awhile listing them.  But I digress.

look. look how wonderful he is.

Back to the main point. I loved this movie. I loved it as much as I loved the other three. (one of the best birthday gifts I ever received was a box set of the trilogy on DVD; I wore those discs out) This movie turned  out to be everything I hoped for and more. Martin Freeman was absolutely brilliant as Bilbo. I love that man. He plays two of my favorite characters of all time: Bilbo Baggins and John Watson from BBC's Sherlock. He is just wonderful.

Opinions about The Hobbit may be mixed, but for me it was an undeniable success. The music alone was enough to win me over. It was definitely Lord of the Rings music, but it had its own flavor as well. I mean, listen to the song the dwarves sing and try not to fall in love.

Oh, the dwarves! How I loved them all! Though I could not, even if my life depended on it, remember all their names. Thorin. That was the only one I was sure of. I looked up the other ones and they are as follows: Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, and Ori. You can imagine why one would have difficulties keeping them straight. 

Now all I have to do is wait a year for the next one to come out. I'm already excited. 

I should probably try to read the books before then. I have all of them. I keep meaning to read them. But I just never seem to have the time. 

not like it would take that much time

Universally Acknowledged

my Austen collection

...for now

Getting this one in just under the wire.

For today is December 16, the birthday of one of my favorite authors: Jane Austen.


And that's really all I have to say about that for the moment.

So I'll just leave you with a few of my favorite Jane Austen quotes.

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”

“I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.”

“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”

“Laugh as much as you choose, but you will not laugh me out of my opinion.”

 “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” 

“Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.”

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

I dearly love this woman's books. I don't care what Mark Twain has to say about them.

A Big, Bloody Ship

I had the most fortunate opportunity to see Skyfall in theaters the day it came out at a midnight release. During this trip to the cinema, I had the novel experience of feel wholly under dressed in a movie theater. Over half the audience were wearing suits. I suppose it was only to be expected. It is James Bond after all. But I digress.

The movie was, in a word, delicious. The best one of the Daniel Craig installments in the franchise. It was new, it was old, it was marvelous. It paid homage to the ones that came before but it wasn't in your face about it. It was the subtle things and the not so subtle things. I won't list any of them here, lest I spoil the film for anyone. It just felt like a true James Bond movie. It had that certain something. Something Casino Royale didn't have much of and something that Quantum of Solace lacked almost completely.

And don't get me started on the villain. Javier Bardem was pure perfection as Silva. He was so evil, but he was so good. He was twisted, demented, damaged, (just how I like my evil masterminds) but there was something about him that called out to the viewer. Something that made you relate to him on some level, just enough to make you uncomfortably sympathetic for his character. And, unlike the last two movies, it was clear who the bad guy was. And there was only one. Something I really disliked in Quantum was the sheer amount of evildoers. Too many villains for one movie.

This film has cemented Daniel Craig onto my list of all time favorite actors. He was perfect. (I'm aware of how much I'm using that word, but it's the only way to describe these things) All of the actors were perfect. Judy Dench was her usual flawless self. Ralph Fiennes was finally in a role were he didn't need to constantly whisper. (see Harry Potter and Clash of the Titans franchises) And this newcomer, Ben Whishaw, was just amazing as Q. But of course, all the fan girls out there are now shipping James Bond and Q hard. That is, of course, when they're not shipping Bond and Silva. It's mildly annoying, but to each their own I guess.

And one more thing before I finish raving: the song. Adele completely nailed this. Her song is so perfect for this movie, it's difficult to put it into coherent words. Her voice, the lyrics, the melodies that recall themes from the original movies. All of this combines into one piece of music/movie gold. If you haven't heard it, listen to it now. If you have, listen again. Now.

I can't even handle how amazing this is.

The Green Phoenix

photographic proof

Finally finished! Well, with knitting a that scarf anyway. In truth, I finished it two weeks ago. I'm just now getting around to posting about it. (because I know the internet is just dying to read about my knitting escapades) I can't tell you how many times I started, got a good ways along, then ripped it all out and started again. A lot. That is my best answer to that.

But here it is. My first knitting project completed. Ah, I love the feeling of finishing things.

Only thing is, I don't much care for it. The edges are all wonky. And it's so square. So I've decided I'm going to pull it apart and do it again. This time with the classic 'knit one, purl two' method I've heard so much about. And from the ashes of this scarf, a phoenix will arise! In the form a another scarf that will hopefully look just a little nicer. But this project was good practice.

The best part of it was it gave me something to do with my hands when watching television. I always need to be doing something with my hands. Once upon a time, that something was eating. But I've mostly kicked that habit. There is worse for your diet than mindlessly eating while watching TV. You don't even taste the food. It's just something you do without thinking about it. It's not good.