Movin’ On Up

To the east si- Actually it’s mostly south. So really, I’m moving down. Because north is up and south is down. 

Unless you’re in Australia. Then everything is flipped, turned upside down. But I’d like to take a minute, so just sit right there. I’ll tell you all about how I because a Department Assistant in the Cardiac Cath Lab at Sanford Medical Center… 

*The other day I made some goals for myself. I plotted out a flexible outline of when I wanted them accomplished. I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. The word resolution sounds so final and concrete. And yet they crumble so quickly. So last year I set goals and gave myself a rough estimate of when I wanted them finished. I need the wiggle room. I don’t do well with deadlines. (more on that later)

But finish them I did! Well, all except getting a tattoo by my 25th birthday. But I put that off for good reason. 

I needed the money I would have spent on the tattoo for my birthday/Christmas/anniversary gift for Dustin. What did I get him that could cost so much that I could justifiably count it as three gifts in one? Another Xbox One? No. (though he did want one and eventually went on to purchase one for himself) Super fancy cologne? No. (I’m not even sure he’d want that, let alone use it) A big fat gift certificate to NewEgg or ThinkGeek? No. (but those are good ideas)

I got him a freaking sword. And not just any sword. 

Anduril, Flame of the West. 

a genuine, licensed replica of a prop
from the movie adaptation of the books.

Blow his mind, did I? Yes. Yes I did. Totally worth it. But I’m getting way off track. 

All the other goals were accomplished. Granted I only made about seven-ish goals. But they were big ones:

• Purchase my own car. All on my own. No co-signers on the loan. No other name on the title. Mine. Paid for with my own money. 
• Move out of parent house once and for all. Postal address changed. All financial and government institutions notified. Childhood bedroom being turned into an office for Father. No going back.
• Move in with Dustin. Successfully learn to cohabitate. 
• Go on a real vacation. One week. No real plans. Just he and I enjoying life. 
• Get a new job. 

And that last one brings me back around to my original point. I have a new job. I am no longer working as a CNA at a nursing home. 

I mixed feelings about this. I loved my job. I loved my people. I loved going to a place where everybody knows my name. And they were always glad I came. 

But it was time to go. The commute was the biggest factor. 35-40 minutes there, 35-40 minutes back. (inclement weather permitting) The pay was another. And the hours were getting pretty rough. I feel awful for leaving them when they were already so short staffed. But sometimes you have to do what’s best for you. I was getting burned out; finding it more and more difficult to be patient with my residents, which was always something I had prided myself on. But when you’re overworked and underpaid, it’s hard to stay positive. When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year - it’s time to move on. 

So I said goodbye to some of my favorite people and started new. I had a lot of “new” to kick off 2016. New car. New job. New living arrangement in a new town. It’s nerve-racking. There have been some bumps to be sure. (dropped out of college for the third time - more on that later)  But I’m taking the good. I’m taking the bad. And there I have the facts of life. 

*Originally written in January of 2016

And just for funsies: a picture of me, Dustin and our fat cat Emmy. She’s slowly learning to tolerate me. It helps that I am constantly bribing her with treats. 

it doesn't help that i keep putting her in little outfits

Here I Go Again

Dear reader,

It's been a while, hasn't it? So let's jump right in!

The next few posts will kind of be a catch-up. Going through the backlog.

I've still been writing sporadically over the last year and a half. I just haven't been able to find the time (or rather inclination) to put my words on the internet.

But I'm attempting (yet again) to get back in the swing of things. Writing is one of those swing things.

So let's back this thing up and start from the beginning.

You Are Now Entering

When I have a night off and I’m at home what do I do? I read, do laundry, watch a movie, clean, cook, dance, etc. It’s strange doing all these things at night. When I look at the clock, part of my brain tells me it’s time to sleep but the other part reminds me that I need to stay awake. So I make myself some coffee and I turn on telly.

Though, as I’m sure you know, there is precious little to watch at 3am. I keep the TV on mostly to drive away the silence. Not that I don’t enjoy the silence. It’s just that it can be overbearing at times. So I’ve fallen into a TV pattern: from 10-12 it’s the Golden Girls, my comfort food. Then Fraiser, a program I find entertaining enough until two. Then Cheers comes on and I either turn off the TV or completely tune out as I do something else.

It’s usually about this time I turn to Netflix. And lately I’ve been watching one show in particular: The Twilight Zone.

da na na na, da na na na

i always have to remind myself
that it's Serling, no Sterling

I adore this show. The original, mind you. Black and white with the fabulously brilliant Rod Serling introducing each episode, cigarette in hand. His voice just get to me. And his writing is outstanding. Timeless. Perfection. Behind every “nightmare” there is a moral, a lesson, some message he’s trying to get across. Messages that still need to be heard today. There is a reason people still watch this show. There is a reason we still reference these stories, parody them.

One show in particular comes to mind when I think of Twilight Zone references. Family Guy, of all things. The more Zone episodes I rewatch, the more I find myself thinking, “Hey they did that on Family Guy! Strange.” I wonder what Mr. Serling would have to say about that.

I love that man. And I tell him evertime I watch an episode. Well, at least I think it. Occasionally I think it out loud. Right at the end of his introduction, right as he says, “…in the Twilight Zone,” I think, “I love Rod Serling.” And then I settle in for another thought provoking piece of classic science fiction. Yum.

Trouble with Typing

I have more luck with writing when I use paper and pen. Typing things out on a keyboard is all fine and dandy, but it takes me twice as long. I can't organize my thoughts when I'm staring at a virtual blank page on a screen. The flashing little line (does it have a name?) mocks me. It's a silent metronome that is waiting for me to play to its beat. Unnerving when you don't know the music.

So, as you might have guessed, I am writing this on paper first and will transcribe later. Later being now. Or whenever.

rough draft

My thoughts are always so scattered when I write (and most other times too) that I need a physical space to lay them out before I piece them together into something worthwhile. Or at least something coherent. On a computer screen I can't just stop mid-sentence and scribble a new idea in the margins. Well actually one can do that with the right software, but it's quicker with paper and pen. My ideas flow with ease when I am manually writing. Like ink from a pen. (wink wink) And if the pen slips, so what? Write around it. No need to backspace or delete. When using a computer, I feel like I need to know where all the pieces belong right from the get-go. It's a silly notion considering how much simpler it is to cut and paste in a Word document. I feel so boxed in when I write on a computer. For heaven's sake, I'm staring at a literal box as I do it.

I just spent an hour working a post for this blog by typing it out on a computer. I maybe got 100 words out. There were too many things to distract my already scattered brain. Ideas flit in and out too fast for me to grab hold of them and type them out. (not to mention the Internet) I have now been writing for 10-ish minutes and already I have a page filled in my notebook and my mind has calmed down. I can think clearer.Getting the words out is so much more fulfilling when they are on paper.

Another benefit of writing before typing is it gives me a chance to proofread what I've written in a more thorough way. Typing something out and reading though it does not help me catch all my mistakes. But if I basically have to write the whole thing again I can really pick apart what I've written. I get a better understanding of what works and what doesn't. I feel more confident in what I've written when I have to write it twice.

To me, computers seem to demand precision. Obviously they don't, otherwise we wouldn't the magic of spell check. But that's the feeling I get. The way I write is not precise. I'm not sure anyone's is. Writing is messy. Then you go back and refine it. When I'm typing I feel the need to already have my ideas in order and neatly refined.

This is all just personal preference. Everyone's process is different. Perhaps if I had embraced this process earlier I would have finished my English assignments in a more timely fashion. Though I would have felt foolish whipping out a notebook and pencil when literally everyone else in the class was using a computer.

Certified

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am currently working as a Certified Nursing Assistant at the local nursing home.

the best part of my job. i waited five months to get it.

For those of you who don't know what that means, let me break it down for you: nurses handle the pills and the paperwork. CNAs do everything else. 

the scrubs are sexy
until someone else's fluids get on them

Of course I'm exaggerating. But we do most of the heavy lifting. (literal heavy lifting in most cases) We also spend the most time with the residents. But that's a bonus. Other bonuses include losing 30lbs from running around lifting people all day and never being grossed out by anything ever again because you've already seen worse. You get attached to these people despite yourself. Even to the 'difficult' ones. Turns out cute little old ladies can have a hell of a right hook. I knew it was going to be hard work. But nothing quite prepares you from what you will have to do, see, and put up with. And when shit goes down, it all goes down all at once. (literal and figurative)

So why did I choose this line of work? Well for starters the building is within easy walking distance. (takes me three minutes to get there; five when there's snow) But mostly I chose it because of my grandma. When she had her stroke and had to go live in a long term care facility, it was hard for her. She kept saying she didn't want it to be her home.When mum and I visited (which was often and involved a three hour drive) she would tell us she didn't know how the aids there did what they did. She was so grateful for the good ones. And so hurt by the ones that didn't care. When she passed, I decided I would try my hand at being one of the good ones.

And that's all I've got to say about that. For reasons both legal and personal, I shall not discuss work here. The legal part should be obvious. If you don't know what HIPPA is, you should. It's kinda your right. Also, if I violate it I could get in huge trouble. Getting fined, having my certification revoked, and possible jail time. Personally, I don't want to talk about work on the internet. From what I've seen, not much good can come from that.

Also, it's nearly 2 am. Lunch time.

Hello Internet, My Old Friend

I've come to talk with you again. It's been awhile. Things have changed, as they tend to do. It's 5:30 in the morning as I type this. Why am I awake this early? Well, this is no longer early to me.

See, I have a job now. I am a CNA at the nursing home in my hometown and I voluntarily chose to work the night shift. I usually work three 12 hour shifts and one 5 hour shift a week. Well that's the idea anyway. But more often than not I end up with overtime because (surprise, surprise) nobody wants to work the night shift. I for one enjoy it. Less people. And I was always a night owl anyway. Sure it can be lonely and it's hard to make plans with people, but it's working for me for now. Well, it's working for the most part.

The point is my schedule has flipped around. I sleep in the day and I am awake through the night. Or I'm supposed to be. Occasionally I'll sleep at night a bit too. It's been six months but my body still hasn't decided to accept the arrangement completely. But I digress.

So here I sit on my night off in my boyfriend's living room while he and his roommate are asleep and I can't figure out how to work his damn TV.

all i want to do is play Lego Marvel Super Heroes.

If you think that's a nice set up for someone one year out of college, you should see his desktop:

the most expensive thing in this photo is the stand holding all of the monitors.
it's also the heaviest. i know. i helped move it.

My only companion at the moment is his ridiculously fat cat. Her name is Emmy and this picture does her no justice. She is huge. And heavy. But surprisingly agile...

...though you wouldn't guess so from this pose.

We have a tentative agreement: I feed her in the morning when I'm here and she accepts my presence without argument. It's a tenuous friendship.

But again, I digress.

I have plans internet. But this post is already long enough. My hope is in these silent hours I will once again find the gumption to write. It's all apart of the plan.

Liz Lemon Gif Party!

A few years ago my friend Molly introduced me to the show 30 Rock. 

I was going somewhere with that thought but now I'm hung up on the idea that this happened years ago. Years. It's disconcerting to think about years and how they are passing. Like this is life or something. Now I've stumbled upon a minor existential crisis...

But now we're back to talking about television. 

So 30 Rock was a show. A good show. And, I just found out, an award-winning show. I didn't realize how good until last week when I began watching the entire series. Up until then I'd only seen an episode here and there. Watching it, I found myself kinda wanting to be Liz Lemon. For Pete's sake, she got married as Princess Leia! How much better can you get? 

Then I realize how idiotic that is because a) fictional character and b) completely dysfunctional human. But Tina Fey makes it look so fun and awesome. 

I don't want to like Ms. Fey. I don't know why. I find her so intensely annoying on some level. But on all the other levels she's smart, hilarious, and I love her. 

On a side note, (because my brain is scattered today and I'm finding difficult to focus in on any one thing in particular (except how to be redundant)) I had a teacher in middle school that looked just like Kathy Geiss. 

fact. uncomfortable fact.

Anyway I finished the series last night and it bummed me out. Also, I've humming the theme song all day. *exciting jazz music*

I Swear I Used to Be Good at This

I really wanted to write something today but I'm finding that I  have nothing to say. I feel like I've talked myself out today anyway.

I went to a funeral today with my mother. (there have been too many funerals this year, but that's beside the point) We left town at around seven this morning. It was a three hour drive to the church where the service was being held. I didn't get much sleep last night ( I don't think I got more than three hours in) so I brought a large coffee with. Coffee always makes me chatty. So that's what I did. I talked and talked while my mum listened, amused.

The entire trip back I was thinking about writing. However, by the time we got home I was incredibly tired. I tried to stay awake but at around six this evening I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I slept until eleven. And now here I am. Minutes to midnight, wide awake, and with nothing interesting to say.

Picture It

Shall I make a confession? I think I shall. I'm in that sort of mood tonight. Though using the word 'confession' has negative connotations. Frankly, I don't find anything wrong with this particular predilection.

I love the classic television series The Golden Girls. Freaking love it.

For years now I have loved this show. It's  been consistently syndicated on one network or another and for the last seven or eight years I have been inconsistently watching. Every few years I see it again and I remember how much I love it. I've probably seen every episode three or four times. Can't be sure though. Haven't bothered to look that up.

irrelevant, but delightful 

But even though I've seen it over and over, it never gets old. It's my feel good show. Whenever I'm feeling down, I watch a few episodes and I'm good. It's the mashed potatoes of late night television. And as I looked about the internet for these gifs, I learned I'm not the only one who feels this way:

mine too, fellow random blogger, mine too

I love those filthy old ladies.

haha. sluts.

*Bonus gif set:

Starting

I was going to save this for the first of October or maybe the fifth because I like starting things on days that feel like beginnings. But I just need to get some words on the page. No more stalling.

It's been a few months. I've been meaning to post for a long time now. Unfortunately, every time I sit down to write the thought of talking about these months depresses me. So I'm going to skip all of that, keep it light, and pick up with something completely different.

Where to begin? Well, I suppose I should start with what I know best: books, movies, music. The three basic food groups. And since books is first, I'll begin there.

So I've been a bit of a dry spell. One that's lasted for several months now. I'll start one book, get a few chapters in, then completely lose interest. Back to the shelf it goes. Or worse, it sits on the trunk I have next to my bed. Perched there, it becomes the first thing I see in the morning. It mocks me. Calls me a fake. Tells me I am no true bibliophile. But I am! I swear I am! Or at least I was.

I have had some luck recently though. I've been able to read two books back to back. Actually, there were three if you count The Last Lecture. But I read that out of desperation. I was stranded for six hours. It was available (and only about two hundred pages). Turns out it wasn't too bad. Not my usual thing, but a decent read nonetheless.

Then I started in on what I like to call my "Remarkable Rummage Sale Collection."

Story: Mum and I used to go rummaging together during the summers. About four or five years ago we were in some stranger's garage looking at their trash and hoping to find some treasure. I happen upon a bookcase full of literature for sale. Now, finding books at a rummage sale is quite common. What was remarkable about this find was each book was a hardcover in excellent condition priced at 50 cents a pop. They were recent books too; most of them were published within the last decade. I started browsing and found a few that I'd like to get to know better. I think I walked away with over 20 books for 10 dollars. If I remember correctly, the actual total came out to $11.50 but the lady said a ten would do. Outstanding.

Anyway, over the years I've gotten through about five or six of them (other books always seem to find a way to cut in line). But now I've started working through them again. First one was Medicus by Ruth Downie. Next came The Romanov Prophecy by Steve Berry. Both quite delightful books that I thoroughly enjoyed. Up next is a book called Druids by Morgan Llywelyn.

It's a good thing I try really hard not to judge a book it's cover because the cover that came with this one is just awful. 

see? ugly.

Thank god it's just the dust jacket. I dislike dust jackets. I find them redundant. And I hate reading a book with the dust jacket still on. Dust jackets get in the way and always end up ripped. First thing I do when I acquire a book with a dust jacket is to take it off and put it in a bag with all the other dust jackets. 

dust jackets

Well, wish me luck. I hope this reading trend continues for a long while.