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When I have a night off and I’m at home what do I do? I read, do laundry, watch a movie, clean, cook, dance, etc. It’s strange doing all these things at night. When I look at the clock, part of my brain tells me it’s time to sleep but the other part reminds me that I need to stay awake. So I make myself some coffee and I turn on telly.

Though, as I’m sure you know, there is precious little to watch at 3am. I keep the TV on mostly to drive away the silence. Not that I don’t enjoy the silence. It’s just that it can be overbearing at times. So I’ve fallen into a TV pattern: from 10-12 it’s the Golden Girls, my comfort food. Then Fraiser, a program I find entertaining enough until two. Then Cheers comes on and I either turn off the TV or completely tune out as I do something else.

It’s usually about this time I turn to Netflix. And lately I’ve been watching one show in particular: The Twilight Zone.

da na na na, da na na na

i always have to remind myself
that it's Serling, no Sterling

I adore this show. The original, mind you. Black and white with the fabulously brilliant Rod Serling introducing each episode, cigarette in hand. His voice just get to me. And his writing is outstanding. Timeless. Perfection. Behind every “nightmare” there is a moral, a lesson, some message he’s trying to get across. Messages that still need to be heard today. There is a reason people still watch this show. There is a reason we still reference these stories, parody them.

One show in particular comes to mind when I think of Twilight Zone references. Family Guy, of all things. The more Zone episodes I rewatch, the more I find myself thinking, “Hey they did that on Family Guy! Strange.” I wonder what Mr. Serling would have to say about that.

I love that man. And I tell him evertime I watch an episode. Well, at least I think it. Occasionally I think it out loud. Right at the end of his introduction, right as he says, “…in the Twilight Zone,” I think, “I love Rod Serling.” And then I settle in for another thought provoking piece of classic science fiction. Yum.

Trouble with Typing

I have more luck with writing when I use paper and pen. Typing things out on a keyboard is all fine and dandy, but it takes me twice as long. I can't organize my thoughts when I'm staring at a virtual blank page on a screen. The flashing little line (does it have a name?) mocks me. It's a silent metronome that is waiting for me to play to its beat. Unnerving when you don't know the music.

So, as you might have guessed, I am writing this on paper first and will transcribe later. Later being now. Or whenever.

rough draft

My thoughts are always so scattered when I write (and most other times too) that I need a physical space to lay them out before I piece them together into something worthwhile. Or at least something coherent. On a computer screen I can't just stop mid-sentence and scribble a new idea in the margins. Well actually one can do that with the right software, but it's quicker with paper and pen. My ideas flow with ease when I am manually writing. Like ink from a pen. (wink wink) And if the pen slips, so what? Write around it. No need to backspace or delete. When using a computer, I feel like I need to know where all the pieces belong right from the get-go. It's a silly notion considering how much simpler it is to cut and paste in a Word document. I feel so boxed in when I write on a computer. For heaven's sake, I'm staring at a literal box as I do it.

I just spent an hour working a post for this blog by typing it out on a computer. I maybe got 100 words out. There were too many things to distract my already scattered brain. Ideas flit in and out too fast for me to grab hold of them and type them out. (not to mention the Internet) I have now been writing for 10-ish minutes and already I have a page filled in my notebook and my mind has calmed down. I can think clearer.Getting the words out is so much more fulfilling when they are on paper.

Another benefit of writing before typing is it gives me a chance to proofread what I've written in a more thorough way. Typing something out and reading though it does not help me catch all my mistakes. But if I basically have to write the whole thing again I can really pick apart what I've written. I get a better understanding of what works and what doesn't. I feel more confident in what I've written when I have to write it twice.

To me, computers seem to demand precision. Obviously they don't, otherwise we wouldn't the magic of spell check. But that's the feeling I get. The way I write is not precise. I'm not sure anyone's is. Writing is messy. Then you go back and refine it. When I'm typing I feel the need to already have my ideas in order and neatly refined.

This is all just personal preference. Everyone's process is different. Perhaps if I had embraced this process earlier I would have finished my English assignments in a more timely fashion. Though I would have felt foolish whipping out a notebook and pencil when literally everyone else in the class was using a computer.

Certified

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am currently working as a Certified Nursing Assistant at the local nursing home.

the best part of my job. i waited five months to get it.

For those of you who don't know what that means, let me break it down for you: nurses handle the pills and the paperwork. CNAs do everything else. 

the scrubs are sexy
until someone else's fluids get on them

Of course I'm exaggerating. But we do most of the heavy lifting. (literal heavy lifting in most cases) We also spend the most time with the residents. But that's a bonus. Other bonuses include losing 30lbs from running around lifting people all day and never being grossed out by anything ever again because you've already seen worse. You get attached to these people despite yourself. Even to the 'difficult' ones. Turns out cute little old ladies can have a hell of a right hook. I knew it was going to be hard work. But nothing quite prepares you from what you will have to do, see, and put up with. And when shit goes down, it all goes down all at once. (literal and figurative)

So why did I choose this line of work? Well for starters the building is within easy walking distance. (takes me three minutes to get there; five when there's snow) But mostly I chose it because of my grandma. When she had her stroke and had to go live in a long term care facility, it was hard for her. She kept saying she didn't want it to be her home.When mum and I visited (which was often and involved a three hour drive) she would tell us she didn't know how the aids there did what they did. She was so grateful for the good ones. And so hurt by the ones that didn't care. When she passed, I decided I would try my hand at being one of the good ones.

And that's all I've got to say about that. For reasons both legal and personal, I shall not discuss work here. The legal part should be obvious. If you don't know what HIPPA is, you should. It's kinda your right. Also, if I violate it I could get in huge trouble. Getting fined, having my certification revoked, and possible jail time. Personally, I don't want to talk about work on the internet. From what I've seen, not much good can come from that.

Also, it's nearly 2 am. Lunch time.

Hello Internet, My Old Friend

I've come to talk with you again. It's been awhile. Things have changed, as they tend to do. It's 5:30 in the morning as I type this. Why am I awake this early? Well, this is no longer early to me.

See, I have a job now. I am a CNA at the nursing home in my hometown and I voluntarily chose to work the night shift. I usually work three 12 hour shifts and one 5 hour shift a week. Well that's the idea anyway. But more often than not I end up with overtime because (surprise, surprise) nobody wants to work the night shift. I for one enjoy it. Less people. And I was always a night owl anyway. Sure it can be lonely and it's hard to make plans with people, but it's working for me for now. Well, it's working for the most part.

The point is my schedule has flipped around. I sleep in the day and I am awake through the night. Or I'm supposed to be. Occasionally I'll sleep at night a bit too. It's been six months but my body still hasn't decided to accept the arrangement completely. But I digress.

So here I sit on my night off in my boyfriend's living room while he and his roommate are asleep and I can't figure out how to work his damn TV.

all i want to do is play Lego Marvel Super Heroes.

If you think that's a nice set up for someone one year out of college, you should see his desktop:

the most expensive thing in this photo is the stand holding all of the monitors.
it's also the heaviest. i know. i helped move it.

My only companion at the moment is his ridiculously fat cat. Her name is Emmy and this picture does her no justice. She is huge. And heavy. But surprisingly agile...

...though you wouldn't guess so from this pose.

We have a tentative agreement: I feed her in the morning when I'm here and she accepts my presence without argument. It's a tenuous friendship.

But again, I digress.

I have plans internet. But this post is already long enough. My hope is in these silent hours I will once again find the gumption to write. It's all apart of the plan.